I recently traveled to Croatia. Despite its ancient beauty and rich history, for me, one of the most memorable sights was a group of six young men, perhaps in their early 20s, sitting around a table outside a quaint cafe on a lovely sunny afternoon talking, laughing, exchanging ideas, making eye contact—but most astounding, not one of them had a cell phone in hand!
Unfortunately, it is now all too common to see people sitting together at a table, eyes fixed on their cell phone screens, their thumbs flying over keypads texting or answering emails, or even texting the person across the table from them. No eye contact. No personal interaction. Alas, this seems to have become the norm.
However, one early Monday morning at Eggs Up Grill in Fuquay-Varina, I was in for quite a surprise. Seated at a table were eight silver-haired gentlemen engaged in lively banter across their bacon and eggs. Here is the unusual part, there was not a cell phone in sight. They were making eye contact, laughing, and enjoying one another’s company and conversation. I was drawn to their table to ask them what kind of a group they are. They told me they are neighbors who get together every other Monday for breakfast at Eggs Up.
I was so intrigued that I asked if I could write a story about their tradition, to which the friends all agreed. Amid the exchange, one of the gents handed me his business card, which titled him Professional Man of Leisure and Recovering CPA. I seized the opportunity to reconnect with this charming group and had the pleasure of interviewing a few of the members: Bob DeCarlo, Rick Dupree, Ken Lockwood, Larry Nicodemus, Carl Ponto, Howard Strickland, and David Watson.
The Eggs Up group comes from a wide variety of backgrounds ranging from a construction project engineer, CPA, assistant clerk of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, meteorologist, electric transformer repair business owner, business planning manager for IBM, and a computer scientist involved with robotics test equipment, among others. In addition to their diversity of former careers, they hail from both above and below the Mason-Dixon line, representing a mix of locals and out-of-towners. Despite their varied former careers and geographic origins, what unites them is a shared passion for connecting with their neighbors, engaging in conversation, and exchanging ideas.
When did this group hatch? Carl explains, “It started out because I wanted to meet my neighbors. Originally there were three of us, neighbors who live on either side of me, so we went to breakfast together.” There was some interruption due to COVID, but in the fall of 2020, the group really got going and expanded to include other nearby neighbors to a current total of ten.
Larry shares that he belonged to a similar group in Asheville before moving to Fuquay-Varina. He formerly worked for the federal government, and it seemed to him that every time someone retired the group would go to lunch. “It was a lunch thing; but I learned that people liked to go to breakfast, too. And so, our group met once a month, [for breakfast] and it became a social thing. We liked to get together and talk about the neighborhood. Or the grass. Our favorite topic? Sod—who does the best sod job.”
I asked the group what they have in common besides talking about grass and sod? Their resounding answer: being retired. “Being retired, we crave friendship,” Larry notes. “We enjoy going out, having fellowship twice a month; otherwise, we would be in our house looking out the window. That’s not a good thing.” They all agreed that it’s nice to have something to look forward to, getting together with the guys and finding out what’s going on, and even learning about new things to do in North Carolina.
Carl observes: “When you look out on our street, there are always people out talking with neighbors. It seems like this is a consequence of these breakfast meetings. Since we all know each other now, there’s just more friendship, more friendliness, and more openness. There is a difference here.” Larry adds, “We’re not just a breakfast group. I think we’re a brotherhood.”
So, what does this group of breakfast neighbors talk about? They assure me they do not talk politics or religion. They may discuss local issues in the news, but do not get into the national level. There are more things in life than politics, they tell me—like your utilities, whether you’re using Ting or Spectrum, what’s happening with the neighborhood’s landscape, or conversations about infrastructure. Ken recommends getting to know your neighbors better: “It’s amazing what you’ll find out. There’s so much you could learn by listening to everyone, as each person brings something to the table.”
Rick explains, “It is the art of conversation just to sit and listen and not necessarily listen to reply, but sit and listen to hear first, then reply.” He adds, “There’s no debate. We don’t debate with each other; we listen and then respond, but it’s not like ‘you’re wrong.’”
He further explains, “For me, this has given me an opportunity. Each of us was brought together by happenstance. It’s been fun. Just like right now—I did not know, but I just found out, that Carl was with IBM. We find things out about each other and our backgrounds.”
They all agree that one of the fun parts is just hearing about each other’s individual interests, what other people do with their retired lives, and how they spend their time. For example, they learned Bob is an avid golfer. He also spends a fair amount of time on the lake. As a bonus of hearing each other’s stories, they, themselves, might pick up a new interest along the way.
Inquiring about the possibility of welcoming more neighbors to their table, I learned that the group is grappling with an impending crisis—they may be getting too big for the restaurant to accommodate them. If they grow more members, Eggs Up will have to set up more tables. Right now it is a challenge accommodating eight at a table.
Rick also noted that conversing with a larger group could be a struggle. Even with only six people seated, he often finds himself only able to engage with three—the person directly in front of him and those on either side. Wearing hearing aids as he does, background noise in a restaurant filters in making it harder to hear conversations. He says, “If I’m making eye contact, I’m probably reading lips.” All agree that a round table would be better for conversation.
In a world cluttered with virtual distractions like video games, social media, cell phones, and television, it’s easy to remain isolated. The group relates stories of people who have moved here from places where they never met their neighbors, which is really a shame. The Eggs Up neighbors are an inspiration for others to step out and engage—start small, find things you have in common, and broaden your horizons to new interests and activities.
Theirs is a blueprint for fostering genuine connections among neighbors. Hopefully their example inspires others to reclaim the lost art of human interaction, spreading the warmth of connection, one neighbor, one neighborhood at a time.
